Nicky Young, heroine in Shadow Heart hates her body. She only wants to fit in, and she doesn’t, often getting looks from older men because of the curves of her body and a face that looks twenty-one. She struggles with insecurity and fears that relationships will only be temporary, even with her closest friends. Finally, she feels like she’s met women she can trust, two that are wives of the players on the professional baseball team, The San Francisco Goliaths.
We join them as they talk before the game and Nicky begins the conversation.
When we look back we see how beautiful we were all along
“Boys are too much of a risk,” I said. “I don’t want to take a chance. Ryan’s still looking over here. With all he has lining up at the ballpark, I wonder who in the world . . .”
I turned to see if a stunning woman sat behind me at whom he might be looking. When I saw only families, and groups of boys and men sitting there, I became nervous.
“God, I hate my body, you guys.” I said.
“Nicky, there’s nothing wrong with your body,” Tara laughed. “Don’t worry so much.”
“I’m bigger than all my friends,” I said, continuing to discuss my insecurities. “When I sleep over I can’t use anybody’s stuff. I’m screwed if I don’t have something of my own.”
Although I was told I was attractive and had a face that made me look like a young woman in her early twenties, I didn’t have confidence in my looks. My brain interpreted those statements to mean, “because of your body, you don’t look like the others. You don’t fit in.”
At seventeen, all I wanted was to fit in. As a child who was raised in a family battling addiction, I was tired of having to handle things differently.
“Your body is beautiful, Nicky, just like you are,” Tara said. “Just enjoy yourself and don’t worry about it. That’s what girls do and it’s ridiculous. You’ll look back in a few years and see you had nothing to worry about.”
“It’s true,” Alex agreed. “Nicky, I understand your feelings, but in a few years you’ll be happy you have the body you do. Even though your friends tease you now, you may not believe me, but they’d love to trade places.”
“They make fun of me all the time,” I said. “I try to cover myself but it all just sticks out.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Tara said. “It’s not only teenagers who poke fun when they don’t know how to deal with things. That’s called fear, and it’s covered in jealousy, honey.”
“And um, I’m sorry but there’s no covering up those things,” Alex said looking at my boobs and my butt. “I’m afraid you’re stuck.”
“Thanks you guys, I feel so much better.” I rolled my eyes sarcastically. Each woman gave me a hug, and then Tara patted my leg and said, “You’ll grow into yourself, sweetie. You have the beauty of a young woman, and the smarts of someone who’s older. You know all the wives were given copies of your business plan, don’t you?”
* Now that you look back, don’t you see your body was beautiful?
* How can we help young men and women understand they’re wonderful as they are?
* Can Nicky, who has grown up in a family battling alcoholism, ever have the confidence she needs to form close relationships?
APR
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