Coming of Age and Family Chaos

My sister came home in shock.
She looked dead.
In some ways, emotionally, we were all dead.

My father numbed his body and mind with alcohol.

I numbed myself with staying busy.

My mom numbed herself escaping into her romance novels.

Now my sister would be numb in a different way.

“Where have you been?” My mother asked angrily. “I was so worried.” Calmly and without emotion, her body in shock, Jenise answered, “I was raped.”

I saw my mother’s face become stone, trying her best not to let the hurt inside.

“I want to take a shower,” Jenise said as if she were a zombie.

“Just stay right there. Don’t move, wash, or take anything off. Don’t even comb your hair. We need to go to the hospital first,” my mother said. She was well aware of the protocol for rape from taking care of the girls at “Juvie” who’d been attacked.

I don’t know if she wanted to take her daughter in her arms and tell her she was sorry for what happened and that she loved her, but she didn’t.

As always, she did a good job of pushing her emotions down, not losing control, or escalating an already delicate situation.

“Watch your sister,” mom said, as she rushed to her bedroom, got dressed, and then came downstairs. I heard her in the kitchen on the phone to the hospital asking for a “SANE” professional—someone trained in rape trauma—to be present with a rape kit.

After hanging up, she walked down the hallway and grabbed her purse and keys off the small table by the front door, while my sister stood motionless.

When Jenise finally lifted her head and looked at me so helplessly, her sad eyes screaming, “Why did this happen to me?” I turned away.

Her expression said it all. Her spirit was gone and I didn’t know how to process the pain I felt from seeing her that way.

She’d been my hero.

I didn’t want to hear her talk about her violated body, the strength that was ripped out of her, or the ways in which her innocence was lost, and taken by some power-crazed, sick man.

I knew she’d never look at life the same way again.

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