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I’ve been thinking a lot about risk lately. Just the word used to cause a shudder in my body from head to toe. Risk. I knew I needed to take it when growing up in my family if I was going to change anything. You see my father was an alcoholic. All the dysfunction you might imagine came with it. Rage, violence–verbal and physical intimidation–the codependent mother trying to keep the peace, and my sister and I, left to carve ...
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DATING? INVITING FRIENDS OVER?
I didn’t dare.
I couldn’t let them see what it was like at home.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, at least for me, extended far beyond the walls of my house.
I didn’t date – I couldn’t take the chance they’d come to my house, hoping to meet my family, or hang out in my room, only to have my father burst in, overly affectionate, or raging that I’d brought someone home who wasn’t good enough.
Those judgments weren’t just ...
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THREE GUILTY FEELINGS WHEN TRYING TO BECOME INDEPENDENT
There are several memories that flash through my head when I remember moments that I disappointed my family. I don’t know why I hold onto them so tightly. Are these the things that keep us wound up?
It’s harder to forgive myself than it is to forgive others.
My grandmother was dying. I didn’t know it, but she was. Her last few months of life were spent at my parents’ house. She ...
Continue Reading →HOW I STAYED DETACHED FROM DAD’S ALCOHOLISM
What are the adventures we create to enter an alternate world of joy, love, and a healthy family when we are only children?
For me, it was making friends, real and imaginary.
My neighbor was my best friend. I hopped the fence to play at her house any time I could. She was real. Her parents knew about my dad, but never talked about it. They saw him passed out ...
Continue Reading →In a horror movie, no eyes generally means a serial killer is on the loose, or perhaps Jeepers Creepers 3 is being made (remember that one?).
In business, it might mean we’re dealing with a cold, hardened executive who has seen enough conmen and women to last his or her lifetime.
In my family of addiction, hollow eyes meant dad was gone to the liquid amber seduction of alcohol, and mom was numb, entering into her codependent life.
In Fire Heart, novel 2 ...
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